3 Illegal Dribbles, Moves, and Spins

January 6, 2009

Dear Lebron,

We were hoping you would just let it go, but two days after being called for traveling on your “Crab Dribble,” you’re still trying to convince us it was a legal move. We’re sure you’ve seen the video of you taking THREE steps by now, but if you haven’t, here it is again:

One, Two, Three…and Jalen Rose goes on to inform you that you’re even confused what a crab dribble is.

Since we are here to help you live up to your billing of The Chosen One, we wanted to inform you of 3 other moves that are illegal before you try them in a game. Please let us know if you find these helpful as we might let Donovan McNabb know about some NFL rules once he’s finished with the playoffs.

“The Chalk Move” - Your new commercial is nice, but make sure you don’t actually clap chalk into your opponents face DURING the game. For instance, do not dribble across half-court, scoop up some chalk, clap in your opponent’s face to blind them, and drive to the basket. This would most likely earn you a technical foul.
“The Tornado” - After hearing you talk about Crab Dribble and watching your footwork over your career, we get the feeling you think anything is illegal when you’re pivoting. We just wanted to let you know that you cannot just spin, spin, and spin to the basket without dribbling just because you are “pivoting.”
“Traveling” - An oldie, but a goodie. We understand you are aware of the rule, but we just wanted to give you yet another reminder since you…well, you do stuff like this: